"Are you kidding me???!!!???": an examination of parental respect

My wife and I recently went out to dinner with some friends. One friend, a funny, animated guy, told repeated stories that he punctuated with, "are you kidding me???!!!???" His question/comment served as the punchline to many stories. Some were good like, "the bill came- and it was cheap. Really cheap. I was like, "are you kidding me???!!!???" Or "and then my son kicked the ball and I was like 'are you kidding me???!!!???" Occasionally he referenced negative events. "So I asked my co-worker to be patient and help me with this thing. And he just left. I was like, 'are you kidding me???!!!???'" Or "I expect this teacher to know her stuff. And she doesn't. I was like 'are you kidding me???!!!???'"

I thought that 'are you kidding me???!!!???' is a good way to conceptualize the respect or lack thereof that all parents experience. Recently, I have had moments to reflect on my boys' behavior (good or bad). I'm left with one conclusion: "are you kidding me???!!!???" The first 'are you kidding me???!!!???' moment regards my sons' unending cycle of violence towards one another. Nerf weapons, even wrestling, in the privacy of our home, I can deal with. But full-on brother-on-brother warfare while we're with others! Are you kidding me???!!!??? My boys and I frequently rely on the kindness of friends to drive us to various activities (Tae Kwon Do, Soccer, Baseball). An unspoken rule in the world of accepting rides from friends is that one's children do not rock-the-boat (or car in this instance). Three or four times in the last couple of weeks, my children have tested the limits of this truism. During a ride from Tae Kwan Do, I caught my younger son punching my older son. A ride home from school ended with my older son throttling my younger son and banging his head against the inside of the car door. A ride to baseball practice led to, and this couldn't have been choreographed better, a simultaneous slap: both boys striking each other in the face at the same time. Are you kidding me???!!!???
My boys, like many, like to push the limits. My older boy has recently gotten into a stealth stage. He tries to trick us. By sneaking up on us, by hiding while we call his name, by eavesdropping on conversations that he should not hear, by sneakily pouring his milk down the drain s he can move onto lemonade. This behavior, although I am sure that it is developmentally appropriate is terribly vexing. My younger son has decided that his stealth skills aren't as honed as his brother's. But his provoking skills are. He has taken to the next level his ability to physically or orally provoke his brother. This happens while reading on the couch, while playing in the playroom, while eating, at bed-time. To both boys: Are you kidding me???!!!???

But with the bad comes the good. My younger boys' baseball team is 2-0 (against much bigger opponents); my older boys' soccer skills continue to progress and impress; my older boy recently ran the 400 meter dash in school; today, he runs the mile. My boys' tennis skills are still awesome. Sports-wise: are you kidding me???!!!??? Their sports appreciation is also superb. I have season tickets for the local MLS soccer team. Both boys have accompanied me to two games so far this year. They understand the rules of the game, the different positions, strategy. They reference European soccer while watching the game (which never fails to draw impressed looks from those sitting near us). And they're always enhusiastic. Are you kidding me???!!!???

Recently, the lower school strings orchestra at my boys had a concert. The 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders played some complicated songs unaccompanied by the younger musicians. As the songs progressed, some 1st and 2nd graders joined. Then, on Lightly Wind Rhody (Lightly Row, Song of the Wind, and Go Tell Aunt Rhody played back to back to back), one kindergartener joined the orchestra. My boy. We were proud of him, but he was so proud of himself. Are you kidding me???!!!???

Recently, there have been a number of pictures put up in the main hallway at my boys' school. These photos are 8X10 color, framed images of the students. In our many years at the school, my children have never been featured. Of the ten photos on display at present, two would stand out to the knowledgable observer. The first is a shot of a young, very handsome 3rd grade scholar/musician/athlete hard at work, playing piano. My older boy looking both smooth and concentrated. The final of the ten photos shows my youngest, a keen, handsome, and intellectual youth, peering into a microscope. Viewing the pictures, I am filled with such pride: ARE YOU KDDING ME???!!!???